Mind Reading
… defining what others do and say as if you KNOW what they meant for certain.
We can never be sure what someone else is thinking.
Yet, we assume we know what is going on in their minds.
I love “the model” for this… (if you are curious about this amazing coaching tool, you can access my description of it FREE by joining “Women Creating Zion Homes” Facebook group. Message me and I can send you the link and tell you how to get the short video explanation).
What anyone does or says, goes in the Circumstance line…
Any thoughts or feelings, even your assumptions and perceptions, go in the Thought line; and could be wrong.
Not knowing for sure, keeps us humble and curious.
From this place, we can ask more questions to help understand what they actually meant.
Remind yourself that you may not be making accurate guesses about other people’s perceptions.
If you’re curious, ask questions, and don’t judge the answers – just listen.
Asking questions has become one of my favorite tools to understanding things, complicated or not.
It removes the guessing and I have found that we actually agree more than I thought we did. That is a comforting thought.
Jumping to Conclusions
…interpreting and event or situation negatively without supporting evidence, and then reacting (often dramatically) to your assumption.
First a lesson on how our brains work here: our brains are designed to keep us safe.
If we get into an uncomfortable situation, its immediate response is to “keep us from dying.”
This is the very physical, mortal part of our brain, and it serves a wonderful purpose.
It keeps us from jumping off cliffs, touching hot stoves, and making deadly mistakes.
Unchecked, however, it can create a constant panic and worry in your life.
One thing I like to do is, sit in a safe place, and calmly follow my brain to the worst possible solution. This satisfies the brain’s “need to know” function, AND I can assess how high the probability of that outcome is (usually not to high); and brainstorm other solutions (which is helpful).
Advertisers use this to get you to “buy now” all the time (not necessarily bad)
People with anxiety often struggle to find the balance between this great function of the brain and their reality.
News outlets use it to influence us take action toward the causes they are advocating for.
Being aware of this and watching your brain, as it reacts to these things, can give you freedom and peace of mind. You can learn how to slow this panic reaction down and access the reasoning and questioning before you make a decision or response. And experience more peace!!
Personalization
…leads you to believe that you are somehow responsible for events that, in reality, are completely or partially out of your control.
This often leaves us feeling guilty about the situation or blaming others without involving all the factors.
This is also when you make what other people, say or do (or don’t do) mean something negative about you.
This unhealthy thinking pattern causes you to beat yourself up a lot, because you aren’t “perfect.”
Some examples are:
“They didn’t call me back, so they must be mad at me.”
If someone is grumpy, you assume they don’t like you (think of your children or spouse here also).
When someone is talking about their ‘personal beliefs’ on (pick an issue), and you assume they are attacking your ‘personal beliefs’ on that same issue.
Maybe they are trying to influence you, but maybe they are just sharing their thoughts and they felt like you were a safe person to share that with…
Either way, YOU get to decide what YOU THINK that means for you!
If they are trying to influence you, you can thank them for their thoughts and set those thoughts aside. You do not have to respond, or agree.
If they are just sharing their thoughts, you can be honored that they felt you a safe person to share them with. You do not have to agree, just love them.