“Differences of opinion are a part of life.”-Pres. Nelson
Peacemakers model “how to manage honest differences of opinion with mutual respect and dignified dialogue.”-Pres. Nelson
And they do this by managing their own thoughts and feelings.
What are some ways we can manage this internal process?
LISTEN more…pay attention to what people are saying, instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next.
Be SELF-AWARE…be mindful of what you say and how you act, and how that may come across to others. This will also help you realize what is motivating you to say and act this way. Is it out of love?
Be EMPATHETIC, meaning step in the other persons shoes and feel what they feel. Could you approach it differently?
Gain KNOWLEDGE: gather information and facts, including spiritual learning and experiences. I’ve found that understanding the plan of salvation and the Doctrine of Christ has been key to finding peace in troubling conversations.
Be PATIENT and do not interrupt or get angry or upset. It’s okay to let people have their say, even if you strongly disagree. Being contentious won’t help them change their mind.
Have WISDOM, or the ability to judge a situation and do what is best. This may be to remain quiet, or ask a question, or testify of truth. The trick is to be at peace within, and follow the spirit’s guidance, whatever is best for each situation.
Be CURIOUS, not to be persuaded to join their cause, but to understand where they are coming from. This looks like asking better questions and entering into the conversation (not a debate). This looks like understanding the ‘why’ behind what they think and letting the spirit guide your response.
Be HUMBLE and acknowledges that you don’t have all the answers, but that God does, and He can give you those answers when you feel peace.
Have FAITH in Jesus Christ and trust Him, including how to understand others and how to respond, guided by the spirit.
LOVE God, because loving God leads to peace and to loving our fellow human beings in a more perfect way.
If you practice these suggestions, it will change YOU!
Don’t be surprised if you wrestle with old thoughts and programmed responses you’ve been doing your whole life.
Be open to being taught a higher and holier way.
–this list was inspired by David A. Edwards, “Anatomy of Peacemaker”
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Being PERSUASIVE is “the art of helping people change how they think and feel about something.”
And it is an ‘art’ because it often takes finesse and a willingness to see the bigger picture before the painting begins.
Elder Neil Andersen said, “Peacemakers … are persuasive in the Savior’s way.”
What is that way? How does that look?
Love for people, no matter where they are, is the motivation for persuasion the Savior’s way.
It means meeting people where THEY ARE on sensitive issues, and patiently teaching and guiding them to eternal truth.
Telling them they are wrong, or that you fear for their well-being now, or whatever the case… ISN’T HELPFUL!
This causes frustration, worry, and anger – hardly helpful in being persuasive.
But listening to their story, and their reasons and then asking questions to better understand…
Helps people feel heard, seen and validated.
They begin to trust that you truly love them and want the best for them.
They don’t feel judged but understood.
They will often ask questions in return, and listen to what you have to say…
Sometimes this encourages them to think differently, which might lead to acting differently.
They might lean on you for support as they change, be there for them DURING the process also.
This is persuading in the Savior’s way.
This takes long-suffering, patience, and compassion.
This takes a willingness to enter into the messy situation with them (as Jesus often did with those He helped).
This takes a willingness to mourn with those that mourn, including mourning their past thinking habits.
As you can see, this will require more of you.
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Entering into someone’s stories and loving them anyway…
Will require more of us!
It requires us to put off the natural man…
Who wants to be right…
Who wants to ‘think’ it understands without entering in, so it can actually understand…
Who ‘doesn’t have time’ for such things…
Who wants to get in and out of difficult conversations quickly, not spend time truly loving.
Who gives up quickly because changes aren’t immediate.
As you can see the natural man, isn’t patient or long-suffering, it doesn’t mourn with those that mourn at all.
It doesn’t build relationships.
As I have worked towards loving other’s more and understanding where THEY are…
I have found that it does require more of me…
More time on my knees praying for guidance…
More examination of my thoughts with the spirits guidance.
More time in the scriptures to help me better understand doctrine, so I can be a better guide.
More letting go and allowing people their agency and trusting that God knows and has a plan, even if I don’t see it yet.
More forgiving and loving people anyway.
More time with the spirit growing my testimony and having confidence in the Lord’s plan.
More compassion, more charity!
This is charitable living and “Charity is the antidote to contention.”
