This picture showed up on my doorstep today (with some other packages). It must have come from where my brother works, back when we were testing different printers (10 years ago). Perhaps they were dejunking there store and they found this picture and returned it to me.
As I looked at these darling kiddos I heard myself say, “I’m sorry! (pause) I’m so sorry I wasn’t the happy, understanding, loving mommy you needed me to be.” And the tears started rolling down my face. “I’m sorry I was stressed, frustrated and impatient. I’m sorry I yelled so much.” This was not the mommy I wanted to be. I didn’t want my children to remember me this way and feel like they were always walking on eggshells around me. I wasn’t even sure how I got there—“I’m so sorry!”
Back then, I remember thinking, “I don’t get it? I am a spiritual person, who has had great parents, who has been successful and school, married my best friend, had a good life, I have a testimony, etc. How did I get here? How did I turn into this person? Why am I so frustrated and overwhelmed? Why am I so upset and have no patience? What happened?”
That’s when my mom started talking to me about personal development stuff. What she said, made sense and I was hungry to learn more. I started seeking out books to help me learn more and practicing the things I was learning.
A couple years later, we added our last little bug to the family and I remember feeling like I had promised him something. “I would learn what I needed to learn so I could teach him,” was the only answer I got.
When he was just over a year old, my husband and I attended a three-day personal development event (first time we had left our kids for longer than a couple hours). During that event, my mind was blown away by what I learned.
“You mean I create my own reality? What? No way!” I would have never consciously created the unhappy reality I found myself in. How did this happen? I learned that it was my thoughts that kept creating this reality for me? “What was I thinking!!!”
The shocking truth was, I didn’t know! I had no idea what was I was thinking most of the time, I was just reacting- and hoping I would survive motherhood. I was confused because, I always imagined motherhood to be so fun, exciting, and full of love.
My reality was not very caring and it was definitely NOT fun! So I learned how to listen to my thoughts, and to the words, I was actually saying when they came out of my mouth. And I was shocked at the unconscious ideas I allowed to play in my mind. I determined that it wouldn’t happen anymore.
I learned how to manage the thoughts that kept causing my feelings of overwhelming, impatience and frustration (that comes with raising kids).
As I learned to manage those emotions my actions changed to ones of love and understanding. I stopped yelling at my kids and then beating myself up for yelling at them (a downward spiral). I started realizing it wasn’t what they were doing; it was what I was thinking about what they were doing.
I started to finally BECOME the mommy I really wanted to be. I started to listen with my heart, rather than my frustrations. I started to parent with love and understanding, instead of from my own fears and insecurities. I started to understand ME!
As I continued to look at this picture (faded and worn), I had a new thought, “This is where it all began for me.” (big smile) This is when my personal development journey began. This is when I committed to figuring out what it took to be the mommy I always dreamed I would be—happy, patient, loving, kind, and fun.
Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the incredible journey it has been. These are my kiddos now, and our relationships are amazing. We have tons of fun! I am more loving and kind. During those challenging times, I am patient, understanding, and forgiving, just like I always thought I should be.
I BECAME the mommy I always wanted to be!!!
I went first, I figured ME out! And it has been a wonderful journey! Worth every effort!
Would you like to stop yelling at your kids and being irritated by them? Would you like to listen with your heart and not your frustrations? Would you like to find more joy in motherhood? Or in those teen years (oh yes, I’m starting that journey now and the tools I teach are amazing for those teen years also). Do you want to be able to help your kids feel happy and confident? If so, click here to sign up for a 15-minute FREE mini session with me.
Have a great week,
