The brain responds to EVIDENCE
Let’s go back to how your brain works again… just for a minute.
Your brain responds to “evidence,” – facts, tangibles, things you can see, feel, taste and touch.
If you try something and fail – your brain labels it “bad evidence,” and tries to get you to not do it anymore, because it was uncomfortable and didn’t give a favorable result.
Like getting burned on a hot stove…don’t touch it, it hurts!
If you try something and succeed – your brain labels it “good evidence,” and motivates you to do more of that so you can feel better and happier.
Stepping off the path and stumbling and falling, even scrapping your knees is “bad evidence.”
Example1: I would try to LISTEN to my kids with love, but I got frustrated anyway and yelled. –bad evidence
Example2: I thought I forgave them, but when they did it again, I yelled because they messed up…again (just like I was in that moment). –bad evidence
Your brain will say, “Go back to the path! Where there are less rocks, brush and weeds. Where it was “safe,” and we knew what to expect.
And often, we do…
We go back to our “thinking” habits – even though we know they won’t get us to our long term goals.
The brain is a short term thinker though, and it’s loud, and demands relief!
Yes, the chores get done, the kids are made to obey, and your husband may listen reluctantly…
Quick fixes!
But eventually, you realize, “oh yah, this is not what I REALLY want!” And you step off the path and back into the weedy, rocky ground…
Hopefully with a renewed FAITH, and HOPE.
This what “repentance” looks like to me.
Repentance is “turning back”…
Turning back to a better goal, a higher purpose, an eternal perspective.
It is refocusing, trying again, and taking the little wins with you.
And oh, I have had to do a lot of repenting – everyday! Multiple times a day!
Just about my yelling habit (not to mention all the other things I wanted to change in my life).
Repentance is “turning back to Christ”
… and His atoning sacrifice
…ASKing for it to take part in our story and in our need
…and RECIEVEing His grace, by quieting the screaming and begging
…and LISTENING (even if it’s not what you want to hear or how you want to hear it)
…and TRUSTING (even if the simple phrase won’t fix the WHOLE problem, or any part of the problem, but will teach YOU “how” to handle the problem, a little bit at a time).
THROUGH the process of repentance… we BECOME!
Through the process of repentance, I BECAME the mother I wanted to be… not perfect, but so much kinder, happier, loving, understanding, compassionate, etc.
THROUGH choosing to step off the path and “walk by faith,” bruised and broken, I was taught “how to” BECOME!
There is no “quick fix” or “magic pill” for this kind of growth… but a journey – glorious sometimes, and brutal sometimes – but worth every step!
I became acquainted WITH my Savior, and built a relationship with Him I cannot forget! It has sustained me through many other struggles though life.
I have evidence that His ways are greater than mine now! And I trust His ways, even when they seem harder!
The better I get at following His “harder ways” and not resist them so much – the easier it becomes – strange, huh!?!
Is that what He meant by “make your burden’s lighter?”
Don’t worry though… I am NOT perfect! I still scream for relief in different areas of my life now. I still get upset with Him, even resentful. I still wallow in my grief and pain. I still give half hearted efforts, and give up. Why?
Because I’m HUMAN! And I have an amazing HUMAN brain… that I am still trying to work with.
And it’s okay!
BECOMING!!
Because I can repent, turn back, and try ENDLESS times… and still be a good person learning to become better…
I can create new neuropathways, or “thinking pathways,” that don’t involve YELLING!
I can let the yelling pathway get overgrown with weeds, because I don’t use it very often.
And I can travel my new pathway with more ease and comfort… and much more happiness!!
With practice, patience, and lots of repetition of new habits (listening, understanding, forgiving, etc.) my new pathway to motherhood doesn’t have near as many rocks, bushes, and weeds.
It’s clearer, well worn, and I enjoy every step!
It has its ups and downs still, as all pathways do, and as my children grow into teenagers and life circumstances change; but they are rolling hills- not jagged, rocky climbs.
But, I am reaching my higher goal…the chores get done with love, the kids obey (mostly), the teenagers communicate better, and my husband wants to listen.
AND I have bonus giftst, by-products of the journey, like: a stronger relationship with my Savior, the ability to #hearhim with more frequency, the ability to get to humility quicker, a willingness to forgive more often, what charity looks like and feels like in my life, etc.
Truly, the Lord does want to give His children good gifts…
When I only wanted the chores to get done, the kids to obey, and my husband to listen…
He gave me so much more!
And He used, MY brain – another gift from Him, to teach me how to BECOME who I wanted to be.
–I created a program to help you improve your family relationships, based on the things that I learned on my journey. Not only will it teach you about your brain and how to work WITH it to create better relationships, but I’ll be there to help you every step of the way. Click HERE to learn more about the Love Your Relationships Program.
