Be a Curious Observer
As you practice noticing and writing down the current models that are running your life…
Be a curious observer!
Notice what you think and feel A LOT!
Watch for patterns in your thinking that aren’t serving you and get curious if there is another way to think about your circumstances.
For example: “I notice that I’m always upset when I do the dishes. I wish someone would help me more often and I’m mad at my kids and husband for not noticing this. So I furiously wash while I ruminate about how I feel like a maid.
I also notice I do this when I’m folding laundry, or cleaning bathrooms (write out your current models).
Hum… this thinking loop isn’t serving me. I want to have better relationships with my husband and children. I wonder how I could change this pattern (or model) so that these chores get done and I still love my family afterwards. (Write out some new possible models).”
Notice in this example, I did not indulge myself in belittling myself and shaming myself for being such a bad mom and wife.
I allowed for grace… while I notice, learn, and practice a new way of thinking.
If you “beat yourself up” for all your negative thinking habits, you’ll not feel motivated to make any changes – and nothing will change.
Even though you don’t like your current thinking habits, be grateful you are willing to make the effort. This may help motivate you to practice over and over until you get new results.
–What are common thought patterns you find yourself thinking a lot? Take some time to write down what you see – just observe it.
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Find a New Thought
If you want to change your results, it’s time to experiment and practice writing some new models.
First: when writing a new model, the circumstance STAYS THE SAME as the old model.
Because, the reality is, your circumstance probably won’t change in a snap, so it’s good to practice writing new responses in the same circumstance!
Then you can start feeling better now, instead of waiting for your circumstances to change.
Once you have your circumstance written, you can begin anywhere you’d like in the model by deciding how you were prefer to act, or feel, and then finding a thought that will support that.
Maybe you have a good thought first, then you can fill in the rest.
Maybe you are looking for a certain result. Great! Write it down and then ask some of these questions to help you…
How do I what to feel in this circumstance?
What thought do I need to think that will help me create this feeling?
What will my actions be if I feel this way?
Am I willing to make the effort to create these new results?
What evidence would I need to see to know I’ve done this right?
You might write several “new models,” and pick your favorite or find one that really resonates well.
Often the complete opposite thoughts and feelings are a stretch and the brain will reject them…
So try on lots of thoughts and change them up as you grow into the new model – it’s okay if it takes time to get there.
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Redirect to that New Thought
The brain likes to repeat old thoughts and old patterns…
Whether or not they are giving you the results you want.
Once you have a new thought…
You are going to need to REDIRECT your brain to that new thought OFTEN!
Print it out, put it in all the places you struggle with old patterns…
Your bathroom mirror, the kitchen cupboards, the dashboard of your car, and/or in your back pocket.
Your family might think you are crazy (mine has), but they’ll know what your working on and they might could help you.
Either way, it’s in your site often and it will remind you… and the brain needs LOTS of reminders.
When you feel yourself slipping into those old thinking patterns, look to your new thoughts.
This can be in the form of declarations, affirmations, stories, or just new models all over the place, whatever works for you!
Be patient with the process and notice if it takes you less time to move from resentment to gratitude. If it takes a couple less minutes or hours or weeks, you have made progress!
Keep working on it! It will become easier over time and your results will follow.
