This tip is golden…
Whatever your kids do, say, or don’t do and say…
Doesn’t mean anything about you!
What?
Let me explain…
Whatever your kids do, say, etc. is simply a reflection of what THEY are THINKING.
For example, if you child calls someone a mean name…
It doesn’t mean you are bad mom, or you didn’t teach them better…
It means THEY are thinking mean things about that other kid. Maybe they are embarrassed and lashed out. Maybe they are upset something didn’t go their way. Maybe they are sad and jumped to resentful or angry.
Yes, this still affects you (as you are likely to step in and become a mediator – not the most fun job).
But how your child responded doesn’t MEAN anything bad about you.
So what’s your job here?
You’re job is to manage what YOU THINK about what your child and what they did.
I try to seek UNDERSTANDING, instead of jump to conclusions or worse case scenarios. I like to be curious and ask questions.
Being angry, resentful and yelling at your child doesn’t fix the situation… often times it shuts your child down and teaches them to avoid “allowing emotion;” resulting in less emotionally resilient children.
Instead we can offer different ways to help express this emotion in safe and healthy ways (Join “Women Creating Zion Homes FB page and check out October 2021 posts for some ideas).
Then we can then ask questions and see what triggered the name calling in the first place.
This seems like more work (sometimes it is), but if you practice at it, it’ll rub off on your child —they will learn to do it themselves BEFORE they act out.
Now that’s worth working towards!
–Struggling to understand this still? Message me and I’ll give you some more examples to help explain it more.