Do you ever feel emotionally full? Weighed down by something, but you don’t know what it is? Heavy? Irritated about everything? Or find that silly things cause you to feel edgy? Or perhaps you are just ready to explode?
I have been feeling this way, this week. I’ve been trying to hold it together, but my emotional cup has been bubbling at the brim. I’ve had a lot on my mind also, from selling my piano to fixing the foundation in our house. The kids have been out of school for two days (which is fun and stressful) and I’ve had two meetings with different organizations for planning purposes.
Each of these situations I have a series of thoughts around. It’s been so fast pace I haven’t had a lot of time to do self coaching to discover what those thoughts are. I’m certain some have been good, but some have not and that is causing me to feel an emotional heaviness or feeling emotionally full. In a nutshell, I’m feeling overwhelmed and stressed!
Stressful thoughts, create stressful emotions, which then cause us to act out in rash ways (if not managed properly).
When I understand the thoughts that are causing my emotional state, I can consciously choose my thoughts more wisely and turn the situation around. But this week has been a rapid fire of things. Because I have not been aware of the thoughts as much, the stressful emotional tally has been rising, stacking on top of each other until it’s hard to untangle them.
The more stress I feel the more I lash out at others, particularly the ones I love the most, my family. As my stress level rises, so does my kids and my husband’s stress levels. They can feel the tension and sometimes they get the brunt end of an emotional explosion (you know what I mean). Then they pass on the stress to each other to relieve the bubbling pressure in their cup. And the cycle continues around the family. We are irritated, upset, and mad at each other. There is no patience and it’s a downward spiral.
I call this unhealthy cycle “passing the gunk…” (see photo above to show how this works)
I notice this unhealthy cycle in family relationships all the time, and it is the cause for a lot of drama in families.
Let me give you another example to help illustrate. Let’s say I had a stressful meeting. Unkind words were said and people were uncooperative. I have had several thoughts about all this that have caused me to feel irritated and frustrated, but I’m unaware of them and don’t have time to figure it out. I come home feeling overwhelmed and snap at my children to get their chores done, in the process I have unintentionally passed some of my frustration to them. They grudgingly get their chores done, and pass the frustration around to each other with little jibes, teasing, blaming or even yelling. Dad comes home after having a stressful day at work and the kids complain to him. I snap at him for not taking out the trash and now he has been passed everyone’s discontent, as well as being full of his own stuff. He blows up and gets mad, exploding gunk everywhere… and the cycle continues until someone does something different to stop the cycle.
There is a healthier way to handle all of this! Whoohoo! When I first learned this, it was a revolutionary for me. I was able to see why I felt frustrated, overwhelmed and stressed all the time and didn’t know how I had gotten in that state. Now, I know, and with that knowledge I’ve learned what I can do to disrupt the cycle. I’ll give you a hint … it started with me.
First, I had to recognize that my cup was ready to spill over. At first, I was often exploding onto a child or my husband before I recognized I was full of unresolved emotion. But with practice I got better and better, stopping the outbursts before they began.
Second, I discovered and used several great tools to help me release the emotion in safe and healthy ways. I will share some of these tools in a minute. Keep reading!
Third, I could help my family do the same. Once I learned how to do this for myself, it became easier for me to see when my children or my husband was starting to get to their explosion point and I could offer them some time or the opportunity to release their unresolved emotions in healthy ways (even without them knowing what I was doing).
Are you ready to learn some of these amazing release tools? Great! You’ll find that they are simple and don’t take a lot of time. They are probably things you are already doing to some degree (look at you being so smart).
- Do some type of physical activity
- Take a bath
- Write in a journal
- Meditate/Pray
- Express yourself (in nature or as you are folding laundry or driving down the road)
- Cry (because you can and it’s good for you)
- Snuggle with an emotionally safe person
- Be playful or creative
- Get a Foot Zone (it does wonders…I’ll do a post on this later)
- Fill in the blank (what other activities help you feel better when you are stressed?)
With a little more knowledge as to what is happening inside you, you can now use these tools (ones you already use most likely) with greater intention to help release your unresolved tension and stress. When you notice this stress in your family members you can confidently offer them these activities also. You’ll be happily surprised at how it helps them feel better.
Knowing about this nasty cycle and the tools you can use to help diminish its effects will bring more peace into your home. And where there is more peace, there is more love and more fun. Children get along more and fight less. Parents understand each other, and their children, and are able to better honor one another. There is more joy in the home and it’s wonderful!
Understanding this cycle and knowing what I could do to alter its effects has been life changing for my family. I hope it helps you as well.
Love and light,
PS In the comments below, share ways you have found to help you release unexpressed emotion. And don’t forget to grab your “How to Work Through Emotions” pdf guide (the website pop up) to help you deal with those emotions.