Your Brain:
Your amazing brain was designed to find solutions to problems.
The fastest, easiest route to those solutions.
Often times, this is great news…hurray!
But sometimes it means we cut corners and don’t do what’s right, we are unkind, or hurtful…
Our brains don’t “feel…” they “think…”
“What is the fastest and easiest way to get xyz?”
(Ex. My child or teenager to obey, my husband to listen, the chores to get done, people to hurry up, etc.)
In my case – YELL!! That gets things done quite often.
But it’s not who I want to be and how I want to show up as a mom.
This is when we can choose to override our efficient brains and decide if the quickest and easiest route suggested will help us with our longer term goals …
My long term goal was: happy mom, great relationships at home!
Even though yelling is quick and efficient – yelling was not going to help me reach my long term goal.
Something needed to change!
Your amazing brain was designed to find solutions to problems.
The fastest, easiest route to those solutions.
Often times, this is great news…hurray!
But sometimes it means we cut corners and don’t do what’s right, we are unkind, or hurtful…
Our brains don’t “feel…” they “think…”
“What is the fastest and easiest way to get xyz?”
(Ex. My child or teenager to obey, my husband to listen, the chores to get done, people to hurry up, etc.)
In my case – YELL!! That gets things done quite often.
But it’s not who I want to be and how I want to show up as a mom.
This is when we can choose to override our efficient brains and decide if the quickest and easiest route suggested will help us with our longer term goals …
My long term goal was: happy mom, great relationships at home!
Even though yelling is quick and efficient – yelling was not going to help me reach my long term goal.
Something needed to change!
A New Path:
Habits are formed because we DO “the same thing(s)” over and over again…
And we DO the same things, because we THINK the same types of thoughts that cause us to act that way…
We form a neuropathway, a “thinking pathway,” in our brains (like a well worn hiking trail)
When you want to STOP DOing that thing…
You turn off the well worn, easy to see trail and walk into the weeds or brush – you go against your habit.
Is there more than one way to… get your kids to obey, your husband to listen, the chores done, etc.?
Yes! Blaze a new trail to the same goal, but with better long term results.
Sounds kind of exciting…. and scary (wink)
However, stepping off the well worn “thinking trail” isn’t easy or quick…
It takes CONSCIOUS effort, one deliberate step after another… into the unknown (gulp).
With FAITH and HOPE as your unseen guide.
This is “walking by faith”…
And this is HARD…
It goes against your brains natural instinct for ‘quick and easy.’
Repetition and Help:
We are now stepping off the well worn path, and “walking by faith…”
So why does it feel so AWEFUL!?!
Why do we not see IMMEDIATE results?
Why do we keep messing up anyway?
Why does it feel like you’re doing it all wrong… Still?
Why don’t you ‘feel better’ yet?
Because… you didn’t step off the well worn path onto another well worn path…
You stepped into the weeds, the brush, the sticks, and the rocks…
You stepped where there is NO path (not in YOUR brain, not yet).
You see other moms doing an amazing job… and feel guilty… (sigh)
Just stepping into the weeds, won’t “fix it” – (I’m sorry – I feel your pain – I wish it did to).
It takes repeating new habits (like patience, or listening, or disciplining with love instead of anger –whatever that looks like-ugh)…
Over and over … picking your way through the brush, weeds and rocks.
Stumbling and scrapping your knees along the way.
This is uncomfortable… and your footing is not sure.
This … drove me to my knees, pleading for help… over and over and over again!!
I felt bloodied, bruised, and broken daily.
ASK, SEEK, KNOCK, RECIEVE:
While I was kneeling and bleeding, in the rocks of my yelling habit… subtle impressions began to come to my mind…
At first I didn’t recognize them.
My screaming for relief was too loud to hear the quiet teaching moments.
But they kept coming…
-Be patient with your children and your husband… BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF!
-Listen to what they are REALLY trying to tell you (not necessarily their words, but their actions, their patterns)
-Question things (why are they ACTing this way? What are they thinking? And feeling?)
-Understand and meet them where THEY are, not where you want them to be
-Love them IN the moment, no matter the moment – even if you can fix them or give them what they want
-Forgive them… again, and again, and again.
I started to hear these impressions…
Sometimes I dismissed them, wallowing in my grief and pain.
Sometimes I was angry and resentful, only allowing for the solution to be IMMEDIATE relief and the problem fixed. Not teachable, not humble.
Sometimes I tried half heartedly, and gave up, failing miserably.
But sometimes I listened, and really tried…
And I’d get a small win…and another one… and another one (mixed in with the failures of course).
I’m so grateful He didn’t give up on me and kept whispering until I opened up to #hearhim
In this story of bruised and broken is also a story of BECOMING! In the next post I’ll share the rest of the story and why it was worth it all!!!
PS If you are in the bruised and broken stage I can help. Email me at sharinashack@gmail.com, or message me on FB (@sharinaadams) or IG (@sharinashack)–let’s talk! You don’t have to do this alone!